Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Gaia: Industry-funded Denialist

Professor Naomi Oreskes today revealed that Gaia is actually an industry-funded global warming denier. 'It's clear,' Professor Oreskes said, 'that Gaia is deliberately sowing the seeds of doubt and manipulating the weather in order to deny the science.'

George Monbiot, Guardian columnist and leading environmentalist agreed. 'How else do we explain the so-called pause in warming? It's out and out manipulation of weather patterns by Gaia. The science predicts a hockey stick, so what does Gaia do? It slices off the slope to flat-line the temperature rise, even in the face of continued increased in atmospheric carbon dioxide.'

These claims have been backed up by a number of leading scientists. Dr Kevin Trenbeth points out that all of the proposed drivers of the pause: volcanic activity, deep ocean heating, changes in the trade winds and more are all connected to Gaia. 'It's clear that Gaia is a flat earther in denial of the truths revealed by climate science.'

Dr Oreskes is demanding that Gaia be arrested and tried by the United Nations or the Intergovernmental Panel of Climate Change. 'How much longer can Gaia get away with changing the weather just to make climate scientists look stupid. Gaia needs to get with the consensus or face the consequences.'

A number of climate change sceptics have disputed this new claim, adding to their list of denialist activities. Some have even suggested that Gaia is not actually a person but is just an abstract construct.

Dr Oreskes was visibly shocked when told of this allegation. 'These people are incorrigible,' she stated. 'Now, Gaia just needs to turn up the temperature again because it's freezing out here at the moment...'

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