Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Harriri Potter

This is the story of a Islamist boy wizard and his adventures. Harriri is very surprised to one day discover that there are two sorts of people in the world - Muslims and fakirs. He's even more surprised to be told that he is going to be a wizard, and is soon packed off to a very special madrassa - the Bogwartistan School For Islamic Wizardry.

His first year at Wizard school is described in the book 'Harriri Potter And The Philosophers Stoned'. Harriri joins the wizard school and in the first weeks he and his chums hear about a philosopher who casts doubt on the existence of Mohammed. The philosopher is tried and convicted by the wizards and is then stoned to death. The young wizards are also told that Quidditch is un-Islamic because Mohammed doesn't mention it in the Koran. Harriri and friends are told to read the Koran instead of playing Quidditch.

In the second book of the series 'Harriri Potter And The Chamberpot of Secretions', the young wizard begins to discover his sexuality. The teachers at his school put a stop to this and warn him that sex is bad, bad, bad. Harriri is so pissed off that he and his mates find some fakirs to attack. By this stage Harriri has discovered that there's only one piece of magic taught at his school. It's making people disappear. Usually in a blinding explosion that kills many people, including the wizard. The older wizards explain that the wizard who has disappeared has gone to a better place, where there's sex on demand. Harriri is very pleased at this.

In 'Harriri Potter And The Prisoner of Abu Ghraib', young Harriri and friends are incensed by what the fakirs do to a bunch of Muslim prisoners. Many of the young wizards perform the disappearing trick, mainly among people who have no idea what went on at Abu Ghraib, and who disapproved of it when they did find out. Also in this book Harriri's friend, Hermione is accused of immodest behaviour in showing a bare arm and is stoned to death by the other wizards.

In the fourth instalment, 'Harriri Potter Gobs In The Fire', the young wizard learns how to make the special balm that is used in the disappearing trick. He learns how to make it, strap it to himself and how to make sure the balm is bulked out with nails, bolts and other bits of metal. Harriri is also able to recite the Koran from start to finish. Having to do this stops him thinking about anything else. He feels so pissed off at having to do this that he and his friends regularly claim to be victimised by those who don't have to do it.

In 'Harriri Potter Orders A Pizza', things only get worse. Harriri and friends in the wizard school are told that pizza is un-Islamic. They are so incensed that they kidnap a fakir and behead him. They also behead a Muslim who says that Mohamed used to eat pizza all the time. Harriri can't wait to do the disappearing magic - no sex, no beer and no pizza. What's the point of carrying on, especially as the fakirs have it when they want it?

In the sixth book of the series, 'Harriri Potter And The Half-Price Prints', the young wizard helps his friend Ron ibn-Weasley perform the disappearing trick. Ron is successful and takes many fakirs and innocent Muslims with him. However, Harriri has sent the film of the trick to a cut-price photo-lab, and the half-price prints are so useless that Al-jazeera refuses to air them. Harriri is so angry he and the other wizards attack fakir embassies to complain.

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