Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Bush-Blair conference

By dint of some advanced technology, the Progressive Contrarian has managed to get hold of a transcript of a private discussion between George Bush and Tony Blair at Camp David. The following is verbatim:

Bush: Blair, that you?
Blair: Yes, Mr President.
Bush: How's it hanging, Blair?
Blair: Good, sir. And you?
Bush: Not good. This Lebanon thing is bad news.
Blair: Yes, sir, I agree.
Bush: I'm thinking we gotta make some kind of statement to world.
Blair: Absolutely, sir.
Bush: I'm thinking we bomb Iran till they agree to stop all that shit.
Blair: Iran, sir? But it's the Lebanon that's being bombed.
Bush: Ain't that the capital of Iran?
Blair: No, sir, Mr President. It's another country altogether.
Bush: Shit, this sure is complicated.
Blair: Perhaps we should issue some kind of verbal statement?
Bush: That's good, I like that idea, Blair.
Blair (blushing): Thank you, sir.
Bush: OK. How's this... We think, in this time of war, we need less bombs and missiles being used.
Blair: I think you mean fewer rather than less.
Bush: What?
Blair: The correct form of words should be 'fewer bombs and missiles'
Bush: Gee, you sure do talk like a girl, Blair. But OK. And we want all sides to get together and agree on doing whatever it takes to keep us happy. I mean, there's too much people getting killed in Israel...
Blair: Too many.
Bush: What?
Blair: Not too much, it's too many.
Bush: Whatever. What d'you think, Blair? That enough?
Blair: That's very good, sir. So long as you accept the substantive contributions that her majesty's government has just made.
Bush: Sure, you want to word it like a sissy I'm willing to go ahead with. By the way, my laundry done?
Blair: Yes, sir. Three shirts, two jackets and a pair of socks. Do you think we should involve someone else?
Bush: Like who?
Blair: Yes, that's a good idea.
Bush: What?
Blair: Getting Hu involved, excellent. And what about Kofi? And Putin?
Bush: What? Coffee? Pudding? What the hell you talking about Blair?
Blair: Nothing, sir.
Bush: Now that you mention it, some coffee and a cake is a good idea. And how about you give another foot massage?
Blair (blushing): Yes, sir. You want another toe job while I'm at it?
Bush: Sure, but this time wait till I take my boots off.

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