Friday, July 07, 2006

John Prescott - The Truth

There's so much rumour and innuendo floating around John Prescott that the man is in danger of being simply dismissed as a waste of space. This would be as unfair as suggesting that this government has no coherent strategy beyond responding to the latest set of headlines.

The truth of the matter is that John Prescott plays vital role for British industry. It was in this capacity that he visited the ranch of American billionaire Phillip Anschutz. Mr Anschutz, an extremely rich billionaire, has a wide range of business interests: oil, film, casinos, telecommunications and lard. It is in connection with the latter that he consulted with John Prescott, who has single handedly kept the British lard industry alive in recent years.

Mr Anschutz, who in addition to being extremely rich is also a billionaire, refuses to be interviewed on the subject of lard, but many in the industry believe that he is keen on developing one of America's largest natural resources. John 'lardy' Prescott is a world expert on the subject, and was said to be discussing the aphrodisiac qualities of lard with a number of lady friends.

Sources at Downing Street refused to rule out the option of officially making Prescott the country's 'Lard Tsar'. They also categorically stated that Mr Prescott is not interested in milking his job for all it's worth. 'John Prescott', an unnamed spokesman declared, 'is rolling in cash already, why would he be sniffing around a billionaire? Have you seen his expenses claims recently?'

Any suggestions of impropriety have been by firmly denied. When quizzed, Downing St spokesmen pointed out that the strange whiff emanating from government is not the whiff of decadence or sleaze, it's just plain old fashioned bullshit.

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