Monday, July 03, 2006

Crime and Punisment (Part 1)

Where are the fresh thinking and innovative ideas on crime and punishment? All of the political parties are making big plays on crime at the moment, but for the most part it's just posturing. Yes, chaps and chapesses, we all know that you're tough on crime. Yes, we all know that it's the other side who are soft on crime. But come on, where are the new ideas coming from?

As a starter here's some fresh thinking on crime, direct from the Progressive Contrarian:

1. Young muggers, vandals and other miscreants should have their expensive designer trainers confiscated and replaced with Tesco Value trainers. Anyone sentenced to this punishment and caught wearing other trainers will be further sentenced to wearing a complete Tesco Value outfit.

2. Muggers who steal mobile phones should be fitted with a collar containing a mobile phone jamming device for a specified period. In order not to impinge on their human rights, and in order to give them access to the phone network in emergencies, they will be issued with a BT phone card.

3. Young male sex offenders should be forced to wear pink outfits, wear lipstick and stilletto heels. Furthermore they should be forced to leave the house every day wearing this outfit. Serious offenders should be sentenced to prison wearing this type of outfit.

4. Vandals should be forced to build a replica of the Eiffel Tower using matchsticks and super glue. They will be given detailed instructions and a set time to build it (say two hours). If the period expires without the model being completed it will be trashed by an OAP and the process has to begin again.

Hopefully these suggestions will set the ball rolling. If it's true that prison doesn't work then perhaps it's time to look at some punishments that will really strike fear into the heart of a machismo youth culture that sees 'respect' as everything.

No comments: